kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
