My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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