So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
A+ Viking dick
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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