Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
