Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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