his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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