i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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