A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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