Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize