you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
