I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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