every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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