This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
