I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I AM VODKA MAN
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
