Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
