Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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