I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
