Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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