DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
