i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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