Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
True strength comes from lack of pants
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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