last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I currently don't understand fingers.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
