the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
