i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize