So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
