our cab driver is having phone sex.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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