Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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