GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
