Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.