what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
