I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
