Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
