i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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