I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
