just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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