Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
