Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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