I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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