i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
