Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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