I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
