so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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