Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize