think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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