He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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