This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
