There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
