Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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