If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
