you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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