I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
