I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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