i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
