Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
