Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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