if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
