And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he fucked my hip out of place.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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