I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
