Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
