Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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