I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my being single is dangerous.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
