got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
