my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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