There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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