Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
