There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
